Tuesday, November 5, 2002

Went to the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices today. Haha, not really. Actually, I went in for my first appointment to see if i qualify for a neck pain research project being conducted by a local hospital. But some of the crap they hooked me up to made me wonder where I was.

For example, they strapped on this cloth headgear piece that had all these hooks all over it. It covered everything but my eyes, nose and mouth. But came under my chin which prevented me from talking (a real feat.) I was dying to make some sort of S&M; crack but A) couldn’t speak; and B) the nice older research geek probably would have crapped his pants. Kinda like when you go get your physical and the doctor puts “the glove” on and says “now this may sting a little.” …. I’ve always wanted to say, “oh, take all the time you need” or “oh, TRUST me…” or “feel free to be creative.” Ok, that was just sick and wrong. Sorry. (But I did just crack myself up there!)

Anyhoo, so he measured the strength of my neck by attaching ropes with weights/pullys to the hooks on the mask and having me pull this way and that. Oh, before the mask whet on, I sat in this padded chair and then was strapped in by my legs and shoulders. Oh stop it! It was all hooked up to a computer so it wasn’t as erotic as it sounds. Ok, maybe a little. I wish I would have taken my camera to have him take pictures of me doing this stuff. I’m sure they would be something. Oh yeah, I’m sure it’s nothing but he had me strip off all my clothes prior to getting in the chair. He said it was an important part of the test. *shrug* I’m always a good boy for daddy.

I swear all of this is true. Well maybe not that last part. But the best part was the super cute (tall) doc that examined me prior to the bondage episode, err, strength test. He was all checking my neck out; “does this hurt?” “how about this?” etc. As he was massaging his thumbs over the knots in my shoulders, you know, checking the vertibre. I told him he could go ahead and do that all day. I won’t tell you what he said but I will tell you he had a wedding ring on so I couldn’t have heard what I thought I heard. Why is everyone married but me anyway?

Guess that’s it. Was at work by 9. Coffee & email. Meetings 10 until noon. Lunch. And the 3 hour bondage episode. That pretty much sums up my day. And they pay me for this. Work tomorrow and off Thursday and Friday.

Oh yeah, private screening of 8 Mile staring my homie Em on Thursday! Can’t wait.


Houston, we have snow! Isn’t it puurty? It IS November, so I guess I’m ok with a couple snow flakes. (Unlike LAST month, where there’s just no excuse.) Anway, it’s melted now and it’s going to “warm up” to 40 degrees tomorrow. Woohoo! Unfortunately, 2 people died in it this morning.


Here’s the transcript of a conversation that I had today with the fab Cucalambe. Well, he and I didn’t actually have that conversation. But we could have had–pretty much–the same one. Ok, if I were ever to meet anyone on here. Hmm, forget about me…just read the damn conversation. It’s lovely advice.


Yay me! I voted against that slime-sucking-moronic-warhappy dumbass in the White House. Huh? What do you MEAN it’s not for 2 more years!? Well then who the hell did I vote for? Whatever, I’m so confused. The point is, I voted. You should too. Think of it as saving all your pennies to be the first to buy those new Prada boots that no one in the bar owns yet. What? Who doesn’t? Oh…well… Nevermind. Just vote. Tomorrow is too late and in 2 years is definitely too late! Vamos! (The polls are open late.)

Bernard-Joseph

Bernard-Joseph is a digital marketing strategist, content marketing manager, web designer, and social media expert living in Paris with over 20 years of corporate and private marketing experience. He writes about technology, productivity, travel marketing and the arts.

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